Articles

For many years the most common approach to parenting used by psychologists has been the behavioural method. This approach focuses on shaping and improving your child's behaviour through the use of rewards and punishments. It emphasizes the importance of clear rules, consistent discipline, and consequences, to encourage the behaviours you want in your child and discourage undesirable behaviour. There is value in this approach but it often emphasises obedience and compliance.

To allow our children to be truly seen, as parents or caregivers, we need to pay attention to our children, in an attuned and empathic manner. When a child’s unique qualities, emotional experiences, thoughts and individuality, is embraced by those important to them, without judgement or rejection, the child feels acknowledged, understood, and valued for who they truly are.

Whilst most parents want to provide the best possible upbringing for their child, the strive for perfection often becomes a source of stress and self-doubt. It also means we fail to recognise that perfection is not the goal. Instead we should be aiming for “good enough” parenting.

During adolescence, the restructuring of the teenage brain is a critical process that significantly affects emotional control. This can result in unpredictable and intense emotions, and impulsive behaviour. It is no wonder that it is common for parents to feel challenged in their competency, when living with a teen facing these challenges.

You may have been one of the lucky ones to have experienced “good enough” parenting as a child, where your physical and emotional needs were met. Or maybe your childhood was stressful and uncertain, or even traumatic. For those of us who embark on the journey of parenthood, making sense of our past, integrating our memories, and creating a coherent and meaningful story of our upbringing, is crucial for effective parenting.

A client came to me not long ago and told me of the immense trauma her own mother experienced as a five year old child. She was wondering how much, if at all, her mother’s trauma had impacted on her own life, which had been marked by significant anxiety.