Parenting is a complex and dynamic process that has long intrigued psychologists and researchers.

Parents are under increasing pressure, in our modern world, to be perfect, as they are continually inundated with “new” ideas about parenting, on social media, and images of people living their “best lives”! These ideas are often not new at all, but old information packaged up in different language.  

Whilst most parents want to provide the best possible upbringing for their child, the strive for perfection often becomes a source of stress and self-doubt.  It also means we fail to recognise that perfection is not the goal.  Instead we should be aiming for “good enough” parenting.  Coined by renowned British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott, “good enough” parenting suggests that perfection is not necessary or even desirable in raising children.

At its core, “good enough” parenting recognizes that parents, like all human beings, are fallible and imperfect. It acknowledges that mistakes will be made along the way and that children can benefit from these experiences.  A key aspect of good enough parenting is meeting the basic needs of children, including love, care, safety, and nourishment. It involves creating a stable and predictable environment where parents are present and responsive to their children’s needs, to the best of their ability, and where the child feels safe.

Less often quoted is Winnicott’ recognition of the danger of the “too good” parent, that is, a caregiver who is overprotective, and overemphasises meeting every need of their child. Despite its good intentions, ”too good” parenting can have unintended consequences; hindering a child's development of independence, resilience, and problem-solving skills, and depriving them of valuable opportunities for growth and learning.

In a world that often promotes unrealistic ideals of perfection, “good enough” parenting offers a refreshing perspective—one that acknowledges the inherent humanity of parents,  while emphasizing the power of love, secure attachment,  attunement and  connection with our children. 

Let’s look at what can be achieved through “good enough” parenting:  

• Secure attachment: Research indicates that good enough parenting, characterized by consistent responsiveness and attunement to a child's needs, fosters secure attachment, and this provides a foundation for children to explore their environment, form healthy relationships, and develop a positive sense of self.  By creating a loving and supportive environment where children feel safe, heard, and valued, where you are emotionally available, and a reliable presence in your child’s life, lays the foundation for healthy child development.

• Autonomy and resilience:  Studies have shown that children raised in environments that balance support, with opportunities for independent exploration, and decision-making, exhibit higher levels of autonomy, self-confidence, and problem-solving skills. They are more likely to adapt to challenges, take appropriate risks, and develop a sense of self-efficacy.

• Emotional regulation:  This is a critical skill for children to navigate life's ups and downs. Good enough parenting plays a vital role in promoting emotional regulation by modelling, and teaching children healthy ways to manage their emotions. Research suggests that parents who validate their children's emotions, provide guidance, and offer a safe space for emotional expression, contribute to their children's emotional intelligence and self-regulation abilities.

• Self-Esteem and Identity Formation: Parents have a significant influence on their children's self-esteem and identity formation. Good enough parenting involves recognizing and accepting children's individuality, strengths, and limitations. Studies have found that when parents show unconditional love and support, allow autonomy within reasonable limits, and provide constructive feedback, children develop a positive self-image, increased self-worth, and a secure sense of identity.

• Academic and Cognitive Development:  Research indicates that good enough parenting practices positively impact children's academic and cognitive development. When parents engage in stimulating activities, provide educational resources, and offer guidance, children tend to have improved cognitive skills, language development, and academic achievement. Furthermore, parents who encourage a growth mindset and emphasize effort over outcomes, foster a love of learning and resilience in the face of challenges.

It is important not to forget that good enough parenting also means being kind and compassionate toward oneself as a parent. It means recognizing that perfection is unattainable and that self-care is essential. Good enough parents understand that they need to prioritize their own well-being to show up fully for their children.

Ultimately, good enough parenting is about accepting our imperfections and focusing on the journey rather than the destination. It is about embracing the reality that mistakes will happen, but those mistakes can be valuable opportunities for growth and learning for both parents and children.