Human beings have an innate need for recognition and validation, that has its roots in evolution, where it functioned to ensure the survival of an individual within a tribe.  This need is particularly vital during childhood, when the individual is most vulnerable.

As psychologists, we think about the experience of “being seen”, especially by parental figures, as an important process in a child’s early development. To allow our children to be truly seen, as parents or caregivers, we need to pay attention to our children, in an attuned and empathic manner.  When a child’s unique qualities, emotional experiences, thoughts and individuality, is embraced by those important to them, without judgement or rejection, the child feels acknowledged, understood, and valued for who they truly are. When a child feels seen, it creates in them, a sense of validation and autonomy, which allows them to develop a coherent sense of self, and positive self-image; and is a hallmark of secure attachment relationships.

Parental recognition also plays a significant role in children's emotional development.

When children feel seen and acknowledged, they develop a strong emotional foundation, enabling them to express and regulate their emotions effectively, and to form healthy relationships with others. They learn to establish secure attachments with others, communicate effectively, and empathize with others' emotions. These skills are vital for developing positive interpersonal relationships throughout their lives.

Parental recognition also plays a pivotal role in shaping children's resilience and coping skills. When children feel seen by their parents, they develop a sense of inner strength, knowing that they have a secure base of support to fall back on. This recognition allows children to navigate the complexities of their world.

Conversely, where there is an absence of parental recognition, where a child feels unheard or invisible, over a significant period of time, it can be easy for them to fall into the trap of believing that they don’t matter. This can lead to emotional difficulties, low self-esteem and self-worth, and a higher risk of mental health issues.

Here are some ideas of how you can interact with your child in a way that they feel safe in the knowledge that you understand and value them:

1. Active listening:  Give your child your whole attention when they want to communicate with you. Put away distractions such as phones or other devices and maintain eye contact while actively listening to what they have to say. Resist the temptation to offer advice; just simply listen, and where appropriate, asks questions that help deepen your understanding of them.

2. Acknowledge and validate their feelings: Let your child know that their emotions are valid and that you understand how they feel. Avoid dismissing or belittling their emotions, even if you don't fully agree or understand. Validate their experiences and provide empathy.

3. Create a safe and supportive environment: Foster an atmosphere where your child feels comfortable expressing themselves openly without fear of judgment or punishment. Encourage them to share their thoughts, opinions, and concerns without interruption.

4. Empower their autonomy: Give your child opportunities to make choices and decisions appropriate for their age. Encourage their independence and respect their perspectives. Let them know that their thoughts and ideas are valuable.

5. Spend quality time together: Dedicate regular uninterrupted time to engage in activities your child enjoys. This could be playing games, reading books, going for walks, or having conversations. Make it a priority to have meaningful interactions that show you value their presence and interests.

6. Ask open-ended questions: Instead of relying solely on closed-ended questions that prompt a simple "yes" or "no" response, ask open-ended questions that encourage your child to express their thoughts and feelings in more detail. This allows for deeper conversations and a better understanding of their experiences.

7. Avoid interrupting or rushing them: Allow your child to finish their thoughts and sentences before responding. Interrupting or rushing them can make them feel like their opinions don't matter or that they are not being heard.

8. Encourage self-expression: Support and encourage your child to express themselves in various ways, such as through art, writing, or storytelling. Help them find constructive outlets for their emotions and thoughts.

9. Practice empathy and understanding: Put yourself in your child's shoes and try to understand their perspective. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and demonstrating that you genuinely care about their experiences.

10. Seek their input and involve them in decision-making: Whenever possible, involve your child in family decisions that affect them. Seek their input and genuinely consider their opinions. This helps them feel valued and reinforces their sense of agency.