Luke’s Story.
The father of a one year old girl.

“Some people don’t believe in it but Jeez – it was love at first sight! And now it’s just like – I don’t want to be apart from her, you know”. Luke hadn’t planned to have a child when he did, and when it happened, it happened quickly: “obviously being single and then meeting my partner, and having a baby pretty fast – it was a bit of a shock so I was nervous to start with”. Luke doesn’t see himself as an emotional man, but he remembers the first time he saw his, now one year old, daughter. The depth of feeling he felt in that moment surprised him: “I felt like a tear came out. I just had a feeling inside – I dunno what it was – it must have been an emotion”.

Luke thinks now, that becoming a father was a “life saver” for him,  as he recognised that the single life he was leading, could have led him into a downward spiral - until he met his partner and had a child, that is: “you just wake up and you actually have to support someone else, which was pretty cool for me. So its motivating, and you actually put a bit of pressure on yourself which kind of makes it rewarding. Especially at the age I was, you get a bit bored with everyday life you know, going to a bar or meeting up with friends. Being a parent, your life kind of changes. It’s hard to explain – but waking up and seeing ‘another you’ walking around. It makes me feel good. It was good timing for me”.

But Luke acknowledges, being a father has also been challenging at times, especially emotionally.

“It’s been an emotional rollercoaster actually. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but probably I wasn’t thinking it would be this hard on our relationship as well, and me personally, the pressure you put on yourself. It’s a big change, it takes away your freedom. And it’s been challenging financially, as well, when you have to support other people. You have some sleepless nights. I find I get tired as you’re always on the clock which is a bit stressful. Getting home late because you’re trying to earn extra money to get by. Looking back on how many times she was crying, and all the late nights – it was testing, it was just hard, but I guess you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do, and now, hopefully, I’m a good parent”.  

Becoming a parent has led Luke to reflect on his own childhood experiences, where he acknowledges the importance of having the love and support of a large, extended family; he had lots of aunties, uncles, and cousins to hang out with every weekend. He remembers feeling the security of these connections, and in particular, how his mother was always there for him. This has made him resolve to provide the same for his daughter: “mum was really supportive and took care of me. Whenever I was hungry or sad, or needed something, she was always there for me. It’s probably from my own upbringing, because I had a big family and huge support as a child. I just want the same thing I had, for my child. You know, just making her feel loved, and not lonely. To feel part of a big family. Being close to wider family is pretty important to me, and hopefully I can pass that on to her”. 

Luke's experience as a father reflects the profound emotional impact of parenthood, that aligns with the concept of parental attachment and bonding, as well as the role of parenthood in shaping one's identity and priorities.

The challenges Luke faces, such as the pressure he experiences to provide for his family, resonate with research on the stressors of parenting and the need for adaptive coping strategies. Luke's experience reflects how parenthood can also prompt introspection about one's own upbringing, which has inspired him to provide his daughter with a similar loving and nurturing environment,  that he himself experienced as a child.   His journey as a father has led Luke on a steep, unexpected learning curve, where he has come to appreciate the emotional complexities of parenthood, and the significance of nurturing a strong familial bond for his daughter.