Linda’s Story.
The mother of three adult sons.

“I think you’d better go to the doctor” – this is how Linda, a young 18-year-old, still living at home, discovered she was pregnant. Her mother knew, even before she did, that Linda was pregnant with her first child. But there were no lectures, or disapproval from Linda’s mother, “she just came on board, although it was challenging, as a new mum, in its own way – just the unknown of how to be a parent. But coming from a large Māori family of nine children, it’s all about whanau (family), and it was my mum who gave me the grounding to be a parent”.

During Linda’s childhood, her father came and went, and then one day didn’t come back, leaving her mother to raise her nine children on her own; four girls and five boys. “She kept us all together. Because of her own experience of losing her father as a child, she was going to make sure that we all stayed together”. As a young, inexperienced woman, Linda’s own parenting of her new baby was guided by the lessons she learned from her mother: “she trusted us you know, made sure that we were okay. Coming back from school there was always food on the table, even though we didn’t have much. In our family we didn’t say ‘I love you’ or any of that, but we just knew. And she took on so many other kids that needed someone; it was her warmth and kindness, and caring that came out. Every Sunday we would gather, we would all come together, with all the neighbourhood kids, and have fried bread and jam”.

Linda’s mother was quiet, with a shy demeanor, but she was clearly the rock and mainstay of her family.

She showed her care, through her loving actions, and responsiveness to her own, and other, children’s needs. Although Linda’s mother tread softly within their family, her loving presence, was unmistakable, “she didn’t say much, but she was always there, and you just KNEW”.

Linda’s mother was part of the urban-drift of Māori who moved from their, often rural, communities to seek opportunity in the city. For many, this led to a dramatic displacement from their culture, into a world of loss, and social dislocation, and contributed to a new generation of children who looked Māori but did not speak Te Reo, their language, and knew little about their heritage and traditions. The Māori culture strongly emphasizes family and community, with core values of aroha (love) and whanaungatanga (relationships/kinship). As one of these children, Linda now looks back and realizes that, despite the displacement from their culture, her mother’s parenting, and Linda’s in turn, was guided by these fundamental Māori values, that are so important to their people, “it’s just a thing, it’s what we do. Care for people. Support people”.

Linda embodies the gift of love, and strong maternal presence, passed on to her by her mother, to her own beautiful whanau. She is proud of her three sons, now adults with their own children, “I think it was enough - look at them today. They’ve all got different personalities, but they are all grounded; grounded in whanau”.

Linda's story highlights the intergenerational transmission of parenting values and practices, influenced by her mother's strong maternal presence and nurturing care. 

Her mother's loving actions, responsiveness to her children's needs, and emphasis on family and community reflect the core values of the Māori culture; despite the family’s urban-drift and displacement from their traditional culture.  Linda's own parenting style, further exemplifies the intergenerational transmission of caregiving behaviours, and the enduring influence of cultural values on parenting practices.